WHY THE CHARGERS SHOULDN'T MOVE TO LA

Los Angeles List Appians, I know you are many and mighty, and I am certain that this issue does not weigh as heavily on your mind as it does on mine, but the NFL is considering gifting you with 1-2 football teams soon. To do so, they must rip a team from the bosom of its loving and passionate fans. Here's why San Diego shouldn't get the shaft.
  1. "Los Angeles Super Chargers" doesn't have the same ring
  2. LA is way too cool to embrace our fight song with whole-hearted earnestness (plus, see above; how would the melody even work with that?)
    Every sports bar worth its salt plays this amazing, cheesy, beloved song after every TD and/or win (and frequently after every loss just because we all love this song so damn much): http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=whNOfvyPpaM
  3. Ironic hipsters will adopt the iconic post-game press conference bolo tie, but Rivers won't understand the irony
  4. LA already has so many sports teams! No one will even notice if one more comes to town!
    But the Raiders or Rams are welcome to try.
  5. With overcrowding a growing problem in the urban areas, will Eric Weddle's beard have enough room to breathe, space to grow?
  6. LA traffic is so bad, it might bring St. Rivers to utter foul language
  7. Although we ALL KNOW that Antonio Gates was FRAMED and that allegations of his use of PEDs are BLASPHEMOUS... fast-paced LA living might cause him to falter
    (...again, because let's all be honest with ourselves)
  8. LA living costs are even higher than in San Diego; where will Rivers find a home large enough for his 42 children that he can afford?
    Pictured here with about 1/8th of his brood
  9. Regardless, Rivers has said that he's praying on it, and so far God hasn't come down in favor of the move, so who is the NFL to thwart his will?