Inspired by @lesbian; Listen up, friends. I went through the phase. I got out of the phase. Zayn leaving was a tiny hiccup in my life. Also, everyone knows hiatus means "we actually ARE breaking up, but we'll do a reunion tour in like two years because we want the money."
  1. 1.
    Easy. He's so sweet and giggly. Very Irish. I love how much he's improved over time. Vocals-wise and looks-wise. He's even out here dating models and shit. I'm proud of him. Future: the one in the band to do great things. Give to charity. Hold fundraisers. Have a HUGE family with his beautiful wife who has a mild amount of celebrity.
  2. 2.
    Tiny frog man. He used to be my #1. RIP. He seems like a very sweet boy. Honestly, I'd be his friend. I feel like he has nice house parties with really fancy champagne and rubs your back in tiny little circles when you're sad. He looks okay, I guess. Tries too hard. I'm not into that, usually. Future: Ghost writes a lot of Top 40 tunes over the next decade. Puts out a jazz album in 2030 that stuns us all. Wins a GRAMMY for it.
  3. 3.
    Fuck, y'all. Liam is really hot. He can sing so well. Probably has the best TRAINED voice of the band. The rest of the band would have gotten themselves killed without him. He holds them together. Future: He's gonna Timberlake so hard. I hope he does movies. Like Friends With Benefits-esque movie? I wouldn't be mad.
  4. 4.
    Okay, Zayn would be a lot higher on this list if he hadn't just left to do his own thing. What was that? Have fun hitting high notes in your OWN music. (I'm sure he's killing it, actually. He's gonna blow us away with whatever he's got coming.) Future: he's gonna put out like an album or two but then go ghost for like 30 years after.
  5. 5.
    I'll fight him. I swear. Always been my #5. Sorry, bud. Future: goes on to be a TV personality. He's a game show host before he gets a gig as a nighttime talk show host. One of the ones that you see is on, but flip through channels for 30 minutes to get out of having to watch but landing on it anyway.