THINGS I WOULD IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT IF I EVER BECAME PRESIDENT

As president, I will make all of these things LAW as soon as possible. Obviously there are bigger fish to fry than about 99% of the issues I'm addressing, but hey, these are just the little things.
  1. Ban Black Friday completely
  2. Make pop tart wrappers quieter
  3. Require all restaurants to serve breakfast all day
  4. Put both the Property Brothers in my cabinet as important decision-makers
  5. Make "National Hot Wing Day" a prevalent holiday
    Banks and other government buildings will close in observance.
  6. Change Spotify's payment plan to be paid for by the billionaire class, making the subscription free for everyone else
  7. Officially absorb Thanksgiving into the same season as Christmas AKA just "The Holiday Season" for those who are unaware
    So people can stop whining when you play Christmas music the day after Halloween because apparently """"playing Christmas music isn't okay until after Thanksgiving"""" for some people???? Whatever.
  8. Hire Kid President to work for me in some way
    I LOVE THAT KID SO MUCH. He's so FUN and POSITIVE.
  9. Turn at least one of the rooms in the White House into a room for a nacho bar
    Complete with one of those Coca Cola machines with the millions of different flavors and stuff.
  10. Turn another room into a coffee shop
    With the finest baristas in Washington.
  11. Give all the libraries as much funding as they need to stay in business until the end of time and give everyone a library card at the age of 4
    Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.
  12. Bring back Blockbuster
    Don't counteract this with a comment about Netflix. I know, I know.
  13. Make sure that baseball is forever recognized as America's greatest pastime and insure that it stays there
  14. Give Neil Tyson his own holiday
  15. Find a replacement president only in the event that the Yankees ever win another World Series because I could never allow them into my home or congratulate them
    Afterward I would resume my position as if nothing ever happened.
  16. Add some puns to the Constitution
    I don't think I can even do that, but I'm gonna try.