THINGS I WOULD IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT IF I EVER BECAME PRESIDENT
As president, I will make all of these things LAW as soon as possible. Obviously there are bigger fish to fry than about 99% of the issues I'm addressing, but hey, these are just the little things.
- •Ban Black Friday completely
- •Make pop tart wrappers quieter
- •Require all restaurants to serve breakfast all day
- •Put both the Property Brothers in my cabinet as important decision-makers
- •Make "National Hot Wing Day" a prevalent holidayBanks and other government buildings will close in observance.
- •Change Spotify's payment plan to be paid for by the billionaire class, making the subscription free for everyone else
- •Officially absorb Thanksgiving into the same season as Christmas AKA just "The Holiday Season" for those who are unawareSo people can stop whining when you play Christmas music the day after Halloween because apparently """"playing Christmas music isn't okay until after Thanksgiving"""" for some people???? Whatever.
- •Hire Kid President to work for me in some wayI LOVE THAT KID SO MUCH. He's so FUN and POSITIVE.
- •Turn at least one of the rooms in the White House into a room for a nacho barComplete with one of those Coca Cola machines with the millions of different flavors and stuff.
- •Turn another room into a coffee shopWith the finest baristas in Washington.
- •Give all the libraries as much funding as they need to stay in business until the end of time and give everyone a library card at the age of 4Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.
- •Bring back BlockbusterDon't counteract this with a comment about Netflix. I know, I know.
- •Make sure that baseball is forever recognized as America's greatest pastime and insure that it stays there
- •Give Neil Tyson his own holiday
- •Find a replacement president only in the event that the Yankees ever win another World Series because I could never allow them into my home or congratulate themAfterward I would resume my position as if nothing ever happened.
- •Add some puns to the ConstitutionI don't think I can even do that, but I'm gonna try.