Why I'll Never Date You
Below are reasons why some guys have ended in the friend zone or unfriended. I keep the fuckbois at bay.
- •When you found out that I was working for a socially-conscious company, you suggested I "get rid of all the feminazis" on the platform
- •You use the n word
- •You brag about drinking and drivingSometimes even calling me while you're drunk behind the wheel
- •You pretend you know so much about handy work and won't admit it when you need helpThereby ruining some of the things in my home because you were arrogant
- •Your idea of a fun weekend is party drugs and night clubs with your "bros"
- •You keep putting off going to college because you are busy with your retail job at the mallAnd now you're in your 30s and you don't know how to stop one thing to start another
- •You were jealous about a guy I was briefly dating and rather than ask me about him, you made fun of what little info you could find about him by stalking our social profiles
- •You still try to talk me into being a friend with benefits even after I've declined
- •You hate your job but won't look for a new one
- •You make racially-charged jokes, often at the expense of my familyBut I'm supposed to have a sense of humor about it, right? Because I worked at Comedy Central and professional comedians have said worse on stage?
- •You think it's cool to not wear your seatbeltSame goes for guys who think they are really good at texting while driving
- •Your profile picture is of your car
- •You wear shorts in the winter and won't admit you're cold
- •You litterEven though your car floor is full of trash anyway
- •You have road rage and endanger others on the road by driving recklesslyI'm starting to notice a trend of really hating being in the car with some people
- •You slam things when you're angryGolf clubs, drinks, etc
- •I don't like people wearing shoes in my apartment because it treks dirt everywhere, and you refuse to take off your shoes before walking knAnd complaining when I ask you to clean the scuff marks on the floor
- •You call gay people "fags"