Did You Know...

I'm a fucking fraud. You goddamn son of a bitch. I swear to Christ, I will put you six feet under or in a fucking home; YOUR PICK, MOTHERFUCKER! Jk, but for real this isn't real so I will never be able to be traced back to it as long as you Scamps never tell on me. Enjoy.
  1. 100% of Mothers said they wouldn't care if they found themselves in most cliche porno situations
    Source: My mom
  2. It was the Jews all along, they did the moon landing, Qdoba, and Niagara falls; pass it on.
    Source: My crack dealer
  3. If you lose your virginity you actually gain superpowers, so you should still fuck me Summer.
    Source: My boyfriend, captain of the football team. In this fun fact, I am a girl named Summer being pressured into sex (By the way, I fucking right hooked that bastard into a coma)
  4. If you go down on two of all the animals you get a free ark/boat
    Please, Noah is my father, call me Darwin
  5. If you dig up a corpse and take it to prom, you can choose ANY toy at the toy store.
    ONLY ONE, BRANDON!
  6. If your name is Brandon and your mom is being a bitch, you can call the police and then you get to pick out two toys at the toy store.
    I suggest you don't do this Brandon, you're father would be oh so disappointed.
  7. All the marriages I have destroyed gave their kids to me and I FUCKING SOLD THEM
    Hahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahha arrest me I did it.
  8. Songs are actually just people orgasming words and the sounds of people literally fucking their instruments
  9. The government was behind Halloween the entire time IT WAS AN INSIDE JOB, PEOPLE; OPEN YOUR PRETTY EYES AND LOOK AROUND THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE #voteforme #statesenator2012
    I don't know, man.
  10. Weed actually is what the pilgrims were taught how to farm by the Native Americans, so like, you're infringing on the rights of the people, man, like fucking blaze it, man!
    I hate myself as much as you d-HA! HAHA! HA! HAHAHAHAHA! Psyche! I love myself and so do my parents
  11. I'm so fucking wet right now, Brandon
    Summer broke up with the Football Team Captain and is now dating Brandon whO WAS 19 THE ENTIRE TIME EVEN AT THE TOYSTORE! I'M SUMMER AND I'M SO FUCKING WET RIGHT NOW AND WE ARE IN LOVE
  12. Love shows itself in many ways
    Like when Brandon bought me all the mood rings at the arcade because he couldn't get enough tickets to do that so he threatened AND beat the arcade cashier until one of his lungs collapsed, but it's okay because he did it for meeeeeeee MY NAME IS SUMMER AND BRANDON IS MY FIANCE AND IM NO LONGER SO FUCKING WET RIGHT NOW, BRANDON COME HOME IM LONELY JUST ASK YOUR MOM TO POST BAIL————- Love, Summer. ;)
  13. Grenades are old avocados filled with the dreams of soldiers and gunpowder
    Look it up, faggot.
  14. You should get ready for some more drama between me (SUMMER, MY NEW NAME IS SUMMER-GOD, DAD ITS NOT EVEN THAT BIG OF A DEAL-I CAN WEAR TUBE EVERYTHING ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, OKAY? LIKE, YOU ARE BEING SERIOUSLY FUCKING LAME RIGHT NOW.
  15. AND YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND IS A FUCKING SLUT! I'LL NEVER CALL HER MOM!
    What am I doing right now? I have to get ready for my date with Brandon.
  16. WHOM I AM IN LOVE WITH MOM, GOD YOU SOUND LIKE DAD! FUCKING. GET. ON. MY. LEVEL. K love you mom bye
  17. That Brandon is a fucking jerk and I hate him I hope he falls in love and gets his heart broken
    LOOK, IT ISNT MY FAULT HE DIDNT FIGURE OUT THAT I HAVE A DICK-NOT MY FAULT THAT BRANDON WHILE SUPER UBER CUTE WAS ALSO FUCKING STUPID AND I DONT EVEN CARE, ME AND THE FOOTBALL CAPTAIN ARE IN LOVE AND IM SO OVER YOU, BRANDON.————ps. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING JACKASS I HOPE THAT MY BROTHER BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LIKE YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT ARCADE NERD!
  18. My Uncle Frank recently got parole
    Yayyyy! Go Uncle Frank!
  19. That my Uncle Frank can shotgun a cat in 10 seconds
    Yeah, you know. Like how you shotgun a beer.
  20. God is dead and we are all just sacks of meat waiting to get fucked by graverapists
    Yeah, you know. Like how you rob a grave
  21. Frogs are actually just inside out birds
    I published a study. Its legit I swear to god pick up any fucking frog and turn it inside out, it'll be a fucking bird
  22. Conclusion: Summer's love for the football captain was never as strong as his love for crossdressing, and when Brandon couldn't accept that, he started dating the football captain and Summer had to move out of his dad's house.
    He is over them now so don't even try to contact him.
  23. That I am single and have been ready to mingle for quite some time now
    This one is actually true. If you kept reading up to this point, I applaud your dedication to my acting, and list making. Please leave a comment, I don't know where I am going with these lists I need some feedback, Like was this funny or was it just as uncomfortable for you to read and follow along with as it was for me to type that stuff out and proofread it out loud. Was it worth it? Idk tell me. I am lost, Jesus. Help me. I started to go off again but then I saw that my character limi