Suggestions for the US Military as for who to hire to defeat ISIS

I am not even kidding, you all think I am kidding and I'm not
  1. The Cortez Family
    Let me first start of by addressing two points. First point, Macheté. Second point, Carmen and Juni know how to do things that take people entire lifetimes to master; these Spy Kids know how to code, pilot a variety of aircraft, martial arts, and a moral code. That moral code is "Family helps family" but, imagine if the family they were helping was the USA. They fight robots on the daily. This family has two expert spies, they got married and had two expert Spy Kids, whose uncle is Macheté
  2. The Wonderpets
    Think about it, these are highly trained covert ops problem solvers who are doing what I can only describe as a sting of an elementary school classroom. ISIS would never expect it, who is going to notice these fuckers, no one, thats who. These three heroes are crafty, they know how to build a fully working, amphibious aircraft — out of school supplies.
  3. The Suicide Squad
    With the movie coming out soon and the new hype for it would make this not only one of the coolest branch of the US Military, but also give the US military a new image of lovable heinous villains who have no other choice to do anything but take out ISIS. ISIS may have fear, but we have criminals. Oh, wait a second.
  4. The Sinestro Corps
    We do have fear. These interplanetary goons get stronger the more they are feared. Their mascot/spirit animal/god/manifestation is a fucking huge ass space parasite named Parallax. Actually, you know what? Why not just add in Atrocitous into the mix. He bathes in the blood of his enemies for fun, ISIS blows up stuff sometimes and even then its like, did they really orchestrate that or are they just greedy copycat scumbags.
  5. See? Look at them hanging out and saying profound shit
  6. Dr. Manhattan
    Alan Moore basically gave us a how to guide for making a depressed glowing blue potentially carcinogenic man-god. We all know for a fact that Dr. Manhattan helped out during the Vietnam war, which was a mistake. He could make it right by obliterating a group of people who saw off peoples heads in the name of god.