Why My Mom Is A Savage

This one's for you Biggie. I mean Linda.
  1. Sometimes, my sister Elise will come up to her and give her a hug
    But sometimes, my mom fakes her out, like does a pullback and my sister flinches.
  2. She has had so many injuries, I don't even know what her bones and immune system are doing but they need to jump start some shit
    She had a spiral fracture in her leg, 5 times around. She
  3. She calls me names when my friends are over and she also makes fun of them
    My friends love her and so do I
  4. Sometimes she calls my dad a faggot
    She's fucking ruthelsss
  5. She also will tell my dad about the various black men who have hit on her that day. She quotes them and it makes everyone uncomfortable, she just laughs.
    I swear to god if my dad dies I am going to have a black stepfather
  6. She used to play softball in highschool, so she can throw a softball really fast. My sister (Elise) was like "Mom come play catch with me!" And my mom was like okay, but then her muscle memory kicked in and she clocked my sister with a fastball and gave her a nasty black eye
    She immediately checked if my sister was okay, and she was but she was also crying. My mom was too, but it was from laughing too hard.
  7. Sometimes we will try to cuddle up next to her in bed and she just goes "Ughghh!" and we laugh but she is just playing her ipad and she's like "Get off me, you freak!" and we say "But we love you" and then she says "That's nice" but then she can't keep a straight face anymore and she starts laughing and cuddling with us.
  8. The other day we were in the car getting Burger King and my mom turns to me and asks "Have you ever smoked weed before?" I say "Yeah" she says "How many times have you done it?" I say "5 times". She says "So you enjoy smoking weed" I say "No, I take too much medicine to enjoy smoking weed, thanks to you and dad I can't even get high off weed."
    She says "You're goddamn right you can't"
  9. She once accidentally right hooked an old lady
    She had her massive phone in her hand and the she was like "Omigod I am so sorry" but because she was laughing, the old lady thought she was just a hooligan.
  10. My mom used to threaten us as kids "If I see these toys again I'm going to sell them"
    She told us that countless numbers of times, but then one day, she did it. She told us much money she could have made if she didn't donate them.