Questions on a DMV job application

I'm pretty sure to work there you must answer yes to these questions.
  1. Do you hate assisting people?
    Empathy and concern is not allowed.
  2. Is your life miserable?
    If yes, proceed to next question. If no, we are done here.
  3. Do you enjoy seeing other people miserable?
    Misery does love company after all and we here at the DMV pride ourseves on sharing ugly.
  4. Do you frequently visit the lair of the Devil for advice?
    Strong mentors are important.
  5. Would friends and family describe you as an emotion-less miserable fuck?
  6. Is kindness supported with a smile useless in our society today?
    No one Iikes positivity.
  7. If you answered yes to all of the above, Congrats! You're a perfect fit to our world of not helping people, sharing our inner anger and wrath and doing so to the best of our ability.