Thanks a pantload for having zero balls of your own and making me say these things to Grammy.
  1. The phrase 'camel toe.' Please see also: moose knuckle, front wedge, hungry pants
  2. The current social/political definitions of 'coyote' and 'cougar' that one time one of the cousins was dating an older female.
  3. Pubeline tatoos/lower back tatoos.
  4. That you use the computer mouse with your hand, not your foot. We're surfing the interwebs, not making drapes, all truth, this happened to my college roommate. I'm appropriating it. Deal.
  5. How an IUD works.
  6. That it is totally ok to have fewer than 20 pair of underwear and only three bras. Please see also: lame-ass wedding china.
  7. That you aren't a fast woman if you wear dangly earrings before 5pm.
  8. That pantyhose all died in 1998, and we're all gonna be ok if I don't wear any to this funeral, I promise.
  9. That I'm grateful every day I am part of your fantastic lunacy, and you smell like nap time.