HOW TO IMPRESS THE LADIES AT A WEDDING

  1. Every lady loves a bad boy. Sit in a seat that is not assigned to you at dinner. Be sure to let the bride know that you are not sorry about it, whether she noticed or not.
  2. When the waiter comes, order "The freshest lobster you got." They will not bring you this. This is when you take the lobster you brought from home out of your pocket and plop it onto your plate.
  3. Order a drink at the bar. When your drink is served, without tasting it, shout "What a horrible drink!", dump it in the trash and demand a new one.
  4. If dancing is an aphrodisiac, the Electric Slide is a wine glass full of chocolate oysters. Continue doing this dance the entire night regardless of what song is playing.
  5. Find the lady you like the most and dazzle her brain with some wedding trivia, such as "The white of the wedding dress signifies purity of the soul," or "In over 30 years hosting Wheel of Fortune, Pat Sajak has married exactly zero contestants on air."
  6. Perform the ultimate display of confidence by asking the bride for her hand in marriage.