DRINKING RULES FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

BECAUSE WE'RE STRONGER IF WE ALL DRINK TOGETHER (See what I did there?)
  1. Two drinks anytime someone brings up Donald Trump's bankruptcies
    Ten total drinks if all four are brought up in the same speech
  2. Drink anytime someone says, "I'm With Her"
  3. Drink anytime someone says, "We don't need a wall we need to be (metaphorically) building bridges" or something of that nature
  4. Drink anytime someone immediately says the same thing they just said in Spanish
    They really, really, really need Florida, you guys.
  5. Four drinks anytime someone talks about Trump and Putin being besties.
  6. Drink anytime you're not sure if Tim Kaine is smiling.
    Extra drink if you're not sure which one is Tim Kaine.
  7. Two drinks anytime someone says, "We don't want a President for a few Americans, we want a President for ALL Americans."
  8. Drink anytime someone mentions how dark or dystopian the RNC was last week.
    Extra drink if one of the news pundits say they had to look up the word "dystopian." Really, guys?
  9. Drink anytime a speaker mentions how progressive this year's agenda is.
    Like you wouldn't even believe it. So I'm telling you. Because it's soooo progressive. For real.
  10. Three drinks if anyone mentions Donald Trump's WWE or reality television star status.
  11. Drink anytime someone says how strong our alliance with the NATO countries are.
  12. Drink every time Bernie says "Uge."
  13. Drink anytime Trump University is mentioned
    More drinks equals a higher G.P.A.
  14. Drink if anyone says, "The American voters are just too smart to vote for Donald Trump."
    They must have gotten a hold of my Trump U transcripts.
  15. Drink anytime Trump Steaks are mentioned
    It's time to have some Trump Steaks and chill, everyone.
  16. Drink anytime Trump Water is mentioned
    Extra drink if that makes you thirsty.
  17. Two drinks anytime someone talks about Bill being the "First Dude"
  18. Drink anytime someone says, "It really does take a village."
    Villages are totally making a comeback.
  19. Drink each time you hear "Millionaires and Billionaires."
    When they talk about "The Billionaire Class," just think they're talking about a course at Trump U.
  20. Drink if someone talks about Trump products made in China
  21. Five drinks if Bernie and Hillary hug it out.
    Everyone just needs to hug it out. Hugs make people happy. It's a fact. Look it up.
  22. Drink if anyone talks about busting up the big banks.
    Still don't believe me about the hugs, do you?Take four drinks. Because I'm right.
  23. Drink if someone talking about Trump having the nuclear codes would be like some kind of Hunt for Red October hellscape.
  24. Drink anytime someone says, "We're stronger together."
    Don't start doing push-ups right now. That's not what they mean.
  25. Take a shot if someone talks about finally breaking that highest glass ceiling.
    I'm guessing it's going to be towards the end. Like Thursday. Late Thursday.