1. "I have a tiny man that sits on my shoulder that tells me what to do."
    "He's usually right about everything. Usually."
  2. "It's obvious to me that there is a Martian moon base on the dark side of the moon that we never see."
    "Don't let the lying media tell you I'm wrong!"
  3. "Many, many people are saying that my hands are actually growing."
    "They weren't tiny before and they're getting bigger!"
  4. "So, I was talking to the ghost of Abraham Lincoln last night..."
    "You'd be amazed how he feels about gun control."
  5. "I was talking to Putin, and he offered to buy back Alaska. Which I think is a great idea!"
    "Think of how much of our federal debt we could pay off!"
  6. "And that's why I'm proposing that we drill a hole to the center of the earth."
    "Many people are saying there's a whole other world happening in there."
  7. "So I am proposing that we fire all of our nuclear arsenal towards Mars."
    "Because we can't reach them on the dark side of the moon. That'll teach 'em."