The next time you feel dumb about something, remember I've done all of these things (and that this list will only get longer because if I trust myself to do anything, it's to continue to make horrible horrible mistakes)
  1. Anytime I have eaten anything without knowing or asking about the ingredients
    Sicksville population me
  2. That time I dyed my hair red
    It looked like a crime scene. A splotchy, splotchy crime scene. And red is NOT my color, as we all could have guessed.
  3. That time I tried to cut my own bangs
  4. Drunk-calling one ex about another ex while staying with a different ex
    😬 there was no part of this that was good. Not one. Also this is a solid case for why you shouldn't stay friends with exes. I get it now.
  5. Once I got really anxious about a long flight so I ate a weed brownie before leaving for the airport, then I took a xanax before boarding because I still felt *fine*, and then had a whiskey on the plane to maybe make myself pass out.... and then it all hit at once. I didn't sleep but I DID hallucinate that the flight attendant was half-dragon.
  6. Introducing an exgirlfriend to an exboyfriend
    Yeah this went exactly where you're thinking it did and so for a minute there I lived in a bisexual nightmare where my exes were sleeping together
  7. Got a dumb tattoo
    Done by a friend of a friend. In my house. On my couch. ON MY RIBS. WHILE COMPLETELY SOBER. AS A GROWN ASS ADULT. Like recently. Learned a lot about myself and it turns out that I am very susceptible to peer pressure, have a capacity for incredible stupidity AND ALSO a pain tolerance that borders x-men status.
  8. Naming said tattoo and now that it's got a cute ass name I'm finding it difficult to go get it covered with something good
    It's a stupid little snake which I've started calling the mistake snake, or the misnake. 🐍 I love this pun so much I might keep the tattoo just to be able to continually make this joke because I'm a dumbass.
  9. I have dated a Roscoe, a Topher, and two different Chad's.
    Yup. YUP.
  10. Static
    This is self-explanatory
  11. Ask me how many white rappers I've been with
    Yeah, fam. I know.