PROUDEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

  1. Surviving in NYC for 5+ years
  2. Not murdering everyone in my subway car today
  3. Spitting a large mouthful of chewed sandwich into John G.'s face in 7th grade when he decided to sit across from me at lunch & start harassing me. The glob of sandwich fell off his face & into his untouched slushie.
  4. Going to bed at a reasonable time instead of snapchatting all night.