THINGS I HAVE SAID TO PEOPLE WHO I BARELY KNEW

  1. Once told a yoga instructor that I was planning on reaching enlightenment by next Friday
  2. Told a kid at my school that my Richard Nixon, batman, and Jeff bridges impression all sound the same
  3. Told my camp counselor that my middle name was danger, then had to hand him my inhaler
  4. Told my English teacher at the beginning of the year that my least favorite book of all time was out of the dust, and then learned we were reading that book first