AND THE COURT FINDS…

  1. Carole J. Johnson is indeed a whore
    "There's no question in the court's mind … that she was not of virtuous character and that she perhaps fit all of those descriptions of a whore.” http://bit.ly/1Lz6wDY
  2. Alleged apple cider vinegar is indeed not apple cider vinegar
    In the case of United States v. Ninety-Five Barrels of Alleged Apple Cider Vinegar. http://bit.ly/1IbZVRh
  3. If nobody squeals, everyone goes to jail
    The Commission determined…that Robert M. Restaino, a Judge of the Niagara Falls City Court, Niagara County, should be removed for committing 46 defendants into police custody in March 2005 after no one took responsibility for a ringing cell phone in the courtroom. http://bit.ly/1IbZYMK
  4. The dispute shall be settled by rock-paper-scissors
    …counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the…Courthouse… At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of "rock, paper, scissors." http://bit.ly/1HbEuPg
  5. Golf carts are legit
    It has been rendered the solemn duty of the Supreme Court of the United States…to decide What Is Golf. I am sure that the Framers of the Constitution…fully expected that sooner or later the paths of golf and government…would once again cross, and that the judges of this august Court would some day have to wrestle with that age-old jurisprudential question…Is someone riding around a golf course from shot to shot really a golfer? http://bit.ly/1IbZW7v
  6. Barbie girl needs to chill
    In the case of Mattel, Inc. vs Universal Music regarding the Barbie Girl song, "The parties are advised to chill.” http://bit.ly/1N5eoNZ