BEST LINES UTTERED BY VARIOUS SIMPSONS CHARACTER

  1. Abe Simpson
    "I'm in love! No wait...its a stroke."
  2. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
    "Thank you, masked vigilante. Your over-zealous homicide has saved me 80 cents. Now if you're not going to buy anything, please move along."
  3. Bart Simpson
    "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."
  4. Clancy Wiggum
    "The suspect is hatless. I repeat: hatless."
  5. Edna Krabappel
    "These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any."
  6. Homer Simpson
    "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...thy will be done."
  7. Kent Brockman
    "Friends, the press and the government are in bed together in an embrace so intimate and wrong, they could spoon on a twin mattress and still have room for Ted Koppel. Journalists used to questions the reasons for war and expose abuse of power. Now, like toothless babies, they suckle on the sugary teat of misinformation and poop it into the diaper we call the 6:00 News. Demand more of your government. Demand more of your press."
  8. Lisa Simpson
    "Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
  9. Marge Simpson
    "Why do I always think of the perfect thing to say when it's too late? 'Shut up Becky!' Oh that would have been great."
  10. Moe Szyslak
    "I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly."
  11. Montgomery Burns
    "Social security number? Naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, 2. Damn Roosevelt."
  12. Ned Flanders
    "No foot-longs!"
  13. Otto
    "They call them fingers but I've never seen them fing. ... Oh, there they go."
  14. Professor Frink
    "Unshrink you? Well that would require some sort of a Rebigulator which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle..."
  15. Ralph Wiggum
    "Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers."
  16. Ranier Wolfcastle
    [on the gas mileage of his new Canyonero SUV] "One highway, zero city."
  17. Reverend Tim Lovejoy
    "Say your prayers, you heathen baboon."
  18. Sideshow Bob
    "You need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may move you to vote Democratic, but deep down you long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this, to save you from yourselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run."
  19. Troy McClure
    "I'm here to provide the facts about sex in a frank, straight forward manner. And now, here's 'Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What.'"