1. Abe Simpson
    Static
    "I'm in love! No wait...its a stroke."
  2. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
    Static
    "Thank you, masked vigilante. Your over-zealous homicide has saved me 80 cents. Now if you're not going to buy anything, please move along."
  3. Bart Simpson
    Static
    "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."
  4. Clancy Wiggum
    Static
    "The suspect is hatless. I repeat: hatless."
  5. Edna Krabappel
    Static
    "These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any."
  6. Homer Simpson
    Static
    "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...thy will be done."
  7. Kent Brockman
    Static
    "Friends, the press and the government are in bed together in an embrace so intimate and wrong, they could spoon on a twin mattress and still have room for Ted Koppel. Journalists used to questions the reasons for war and expose abuse of power. Now, like toothless babies, they suckle on the sugary teat of misinformation and poop it into the diaper we call the 6:00 News. Demand more of your government. Demand more of your press."
  8. Lisa Simpson
    Static
    "Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
  9. Marge Simpson
    Static
    "Why do I always think of the perfect thing to say when it's too late? 'Shut up Becky!' Oh that would have been great."
  10. Moe Szyslak
    Static
    "I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly."
  11. Montgomery Burns
    Static
    "Social security number? Naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, 2. Damn Roosevelt."
  12. Ned Flanders
    Static
    "No foot-longs!"
  13. Otto
    Static
    "They call them fingers but I've never seen them fing. ... Oh, there they go."
  14. Professor Frink
    Static
    "Unshrink you? Well that would require some sort of a Rebigulator which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle..."
  15. Ralph Wiggum
    Static
    "Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers."
  16. Ranier Wolfcastle
    Static
    [on the gas mileage of his new Canyonero SUV] "One highway, zero city."
  17. Reverend Tim Lovejoy
    Static
    "Say your prayers, you heathen baboon."
  18. Sideshow Bob
    Static
    "You need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may move you to vote Democratic, but deep down you long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this, to save you from yourselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run."
  19. Troy McClure
    Static
    "I'm here to provide the facts about sex in a frank, straight forward manner. And now, here's 'Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What.'"