DEPRESSING QUALIFICATIONS

I'm at Universal Studios park in Orlando so this is very fresh in my mind.
  1. The MFA in Creative Writing
    Who writes back stories for amusement park rides.
  2. The BA in Graphic Design
    Who paints 43 sweaty faces a day.
  3. The Culinary Institute Graduate
    Whose white coat says "Quality Control Sous Chef" at the place that heats frozen burger patties on a griddle with American cheese and sends you to a nasty bar for shredded lettuce and mealy tomatoes.
  4. The MS in Civil Engineering
    Who certifies the plans for a new roller coaster. Just kidding that lady's job is awesome.
  5. The lifetime Harry Potter obsessee
    (Granted this is not really a qualification but bear with me.) Who wanted nothing more as a teenager than to work in Diagon Alley (OMG!). You can see in his eyes as he rings up the 800th customer this hour. This is not at all what he imagined. Dad was right.
  6. The Theater Major with Broadway Aspirations
    Who impersonates one or the other of the Blues Brothers while 9 out of 10 people say "who are you supposed to be?"
  7. The Legal Intern
    Who wrote the memo on the legality of charging $10.95 for the lanyard to hold the paper pass that was a $150 add on to the $450 ticket when purses aren't allowed.
  8. (Hats off to the theater folks who do the Harry Potter shows though because they are bringing their A game every time with serious charisma and you know that ain't easy.)