@ChrisK this is fun.
  1. [scans book, computer makes an ominous buzzing sound]
  2. Me: "I have a bad feeling about this."
  3. [buzz]
  4. Me: "Listen, there was a problem with the card catalog. Those books would have been on time."
  5. @imc: [nudges me, whispers] "They don't have card catalogs anymore, dad."
  6. Me: "Well then why don't *you* talk to the lady?!"
  7. @imc: "It says we have an unpaid fine."
  8. Librarian: "Yes. You turned in Breakfast at Tiffany's two weeks late. The fee is $2."
  9. Me: [discretely palms blaster] "Look lady, I can get you 75¢ by the end of the day but you got to understand it's going to take time to get the rest. This place is crawling with security."
  10. Librarian: "It's ok. I can clear the block so you can check out your books now and then you can pay the fee next time."
  11. Me: "Well why didn't you say so?!"
  12. Librarian: "We love our library patrons!" 😄
  13. Me: "I know."
  14. @imc: [scans book, computer lets out a friendly beep]
  15. Me: "We're all clear kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
  16. @imc: [to librarian, mouthing silently] "I'm so sorry."