MALAPROPISMS AN ACQUAINTANCE HAS ACTUALLY SPOKEN OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS

I used to think Shakespeare's malapropism-spewing characters were over the top. Then I met this guy...
  1. "It was an adjunct failure."
    He meant abject.
  2. "We need to support and abstain one another."
    He meant sustain.
  3. "It conosotes something different."
    He meant connotes.
  4. "Him and all his little dominions doing his bidding."
    He meant minions.
  5. "I went to conjole her during this difficult time."
    He meant console.
  6. "There is a little asterfix next to it."
    He meant asterisk.
  7. "Can you confer that?"
    He meant confirm.
  8. "I suspect he has outerior motives."
    He meant ulterior.
  9. "The fence encumbered the whole thing."
    He meant encompassed.