Nine years of my daughter saying things. (This list is ridiculously long. I've been keeping these for ages.)
  1. Sophia (13) on my singing.
    "Anything weird you sing is always followed by 'it's from a commercial when I was a kid.' What was wrong with people back then?"
  2. Sophia (13) on Sore Throat Lozenges
    "These things have the after taste of a dentist's office."
  3. Sophia (12) on the important things in life.
    "I want a baby. I just love children. And money. I really love money."
  4. Sophia (12) on hygiene
    Me: [wipes something off her face] Her: "Stop. I'm not a baby." Me: "Then wash your face." Her: "Eh, never mind. I'm a baby."
  5. Sophia (12) on makeup
    "I hate makeup. The only time I'm ever going to wear makeup is when I'm in a movie or if I need a unibrow for some reason."
  6. Sophia (12) on the old Star Trek opening
    "Why did it used to say 'where no *man* has gone before'? That's stupid. It doesn't include aliens."
  7. Sophia (12) on the Super Bowl
    "Dad, you know that 'Big Bowl' thing? Which side do we vote for?"
  8. Sophia (11) on Richard II
    "This movie is confusing. It's like the first time I saw Back To The Future."
  9. Sophia (11) on fictional names
    “There's a character in this book named ‘Graybeard’ and I can't figure out why any mom would ever name her baby that.”
  10. Sophia (11) on ambition
    “I'm writing a story called ‘Lucky, the One Who Sees’. It is a dystopian novel. I have 500 words so far.”
  11. Sophia (11) on impermanence
    “My third art class was 3D objects. We made marshmallow statues. I would show you mine but I ate it.”
  12. Sophia (11) on school field trip requirements
    “Dad, do rollerblades count as closed-toe shoes?”
  13. Sophia (10) on profiling
    “It is always boys doing this terrorist stuff. Maybe we should just get rid of all the boys.”
  14. Sophia (10) on recognizing an actor
    “Dad, give me your phone. I have an IMDB emergency.”
  15. Sophia (10) on tacit scatology
    “Seeds can blow away, wash away, or be eaten and pooped out. The book just says eaten, but I know what it means.”
  16. Sophia (10) on the somewhat outsider nature of a parent who works outside the home
    “Are we taking your car or ours? I mean mine. I mean mom's.”
  17. Sophia (9) on co-studying
    “Can I do my homework on the phone with Zsa Zsa? She’ll do hers, I’ll do mine, and we’ll have a light conversation.”
  18. Sophia (9) on excitement
    "Are you ever so excited that you have to let it out so you don't explode? That just happened so I screamed into a pillow."
  19. Sophia (9) on a non-kid movie
    “Wait. Isn't that not a happy ending?!”
  20. Sophia (9) on waiting for her videos to copy from the iPad to the computer
    "Patience isn't really my thing."
  21. Sophia (9) on identity
    “If I was kidnapped by aliens who took out my brain, would you clone me so you could get another Sophia back?”
  22. Sophia (9) on the tell
    “He *says* he doesn't like Justin Bieber, but he flips his hair all the time so…[knowing nod]”
  23. Sophia (9) on her new ear rings and haircut
    “Do you like how my head looks today?”
  24. Sophia (9) on cinnamon rolls
    “Ooh! Spiral bound doughnuts!…I mean…what are those things called again?”
  25. Sophia (9) on anatomical curiosity
    “I *really* want to hold a brain in my hands. [to the cat] Biscus! I'm afraid your head has to come off.”
  26. Sophia (9) on the bathroom scale
    "Does our weigher thing work? The one for humans?"
  27. Sophia (9) on hearing me say I just had the greatest idea of all time
    "Is it sugar?"
  28. Sophia (9) on being consoled with an "I love you"
    “I know. But that doesn't have anything to do with my problem.”
  29. Sophia (8) on keyboarding
    “I have a problem, Dad. I always forget to push the space bar.”
  30. Sophia (8) on cooking
    “The cinnamon came out really fast so I put extra of that in.”
  31. Sophia (8) on superpowers
    “Dad! I have the magical power of flaring my nostrils while I have magnets on my nose.”
  32. Sophia (8) on French
    “How do they make a whole language out of just ‘shuh shuh luh shuh shuh shuh’?”
  33. Sophia (8) on what part of "no" she doesn't understand
    “The ‘n’ and the ‘o’.”
  34. Sophia (8) on the poorly cooked tough brisket my dad said something gross about
    “You're going to make me throw this up, and it was so much work getting it down.”
  35. Sophia (7) on vanilla ice cream
    “Vanilla ice cream is kind of like cheese pizza. I like things on my pizza.”
  36. Sophia (7) on sleeping in a bathtub
    “I *love* it. But I do like a little mattress under me sometimes.”
  37. Sophia (7) on doing her hair
    “You have to brush it out straight before you start working on the design.”
  38. Sophia (7) on if she wants eggs for breakfast
    “Eggs, with a little something added. Like flour, sugar…Yeah, I want pancakes.”
  39. Sophia (7) on the song "Froggie went A'Courtin"
    “Why did they invite that old gray cat? That’s when the trouble started.”
  40. Sophia (7) on being called a booger-butt
    “Ewww. What comes out of my nose then?”
  41. Sophia (7) on the male snail and the clutch of eggs she found in the tank
    “Well, I'm sure he had a part in it.”
  42. Sophia (7) on snail gender and reproduction
    “Are you *sure* all my snails are male? Because they keep climbing on top of each other.”
  43. Sophia (7) on being told she cannot sleep on our bed tonight
    "You must have misunderstood my question. I wanted you to say 'yes'."
  44. Sophia (7) on sleeping quarters
    "Mom, if you don't want me to sleep in *your* bed, then you should move *my* bed into your room."
  45. Sophia (7) on well-ordered love
    “I love oatmeal more than anything. Well, I don't love it more than Mom, Pancakes, Dad or Isabel.”
  46. Sophia (7) on the fish that died in her tank
    [crying] “Can we bury her?” and then, “Can I dissect her first?”
  47. Sophia (7) on awakening
    “I have been awake for a long time, but I wanted to see how my dream ended so I stayed in bed.”
  48. Sophia (7) on the risks and rewards of letting the cat go out
    “Would you rather have a long, boring life, or a short *exciting* life?”
  49. Sophia (7) on mortality
    “If I die young because of cancer or something, will you bring the cat to my funeral?”
  50. Sophia (6) on strong cheese
    “This cheese keeps tasting good. And it keeps smelling bad.”
  51. Sophia (6) on etiquette
    “Oh, I WISH macaroni was a finger food.”
  52. Sophia (6) on getting paint on her hotdog
    “What, that? That's just a little bit.” [eats it]
  53. Sophia (6) on food psychology
    “Eating something off a kebab is way better than just eating the same thing regular.”
  54. Sophia (6) on being responsible after making a mess
    “Ugh. I need to sweep my ground.”
  55. Sophia (6) on style
    "I need to roll down the window to put the finishing touches on my hairstyle."
  56. Sophia (6) on secrets
    “Well…It’s a secret, but I’m no good at keeping secrets so I’ll just tell you.”
  57. Sophia (6) on the fact that the thanksgiving turkey's head isn't included in the package
    “But the cheeks could be good.”
  58. Sophia (6) on cleanliness
    “Torrow’s a half day so I don't really…well, of course I have to take a bath…but I just mean…well?”
  59. Sophia (6) on playing where I told her not to
    “But Dad, that’s my one true destination. It’s where the magic happens.”
  60. Sophia (6) on rebranding
    “A Dora doll might be cool. And a doll like that might be cool. But a Dora doll that looks nothing like Dora is dumb.”
  61. Sophia (5) on meats
    “What do cats make? You know, like cows make beef and pigs make pork. What do cats make?”
  62. Sophia (5) on adoption
    “What if there was an orphanage the same brand as Rice Krispies and there was a coupon on the box to get a child?”
  63. Sophia (5) on risk-taking
    “Who cares about getting hurt? It’s worth it for having fun.”
  64. Sophia (5) on the likelihood that our cat has turned into a dog
    “It's not possible. There's no such thing as magic in a young girl's heart.”
  65. Sophia (5) on the whereabouts of her shoes
    “I know where they are. I just don't know where the place they are is.”
  66. Sophia (5) on the likelihood of an infinitely large room
    “If it was infinity big, I’d already be in it.”
  67. Sophia (4) on a vegetarian meal
    "Mom, why isn't there something like chicken in this?"