1. Southwest: Yes! Bringing luggage is an implied aspect of travel so of course you can check bags. Some reasonable restrictions on size and quantity apply. Here let me take your bag!
    American: Psh. Bags? Why do you need bags? Look, fine, maybe we can find some space somewhere in the hold idk. For $25 per bag I guess we'll take them. Weirdo.
  2. Southwest: We are very egalitarian here. Sit wherever you like! First come first serve of course.
    American: Wait you are six foot three and would like a seat that isn't unbearably awful? How bad do you want it? I see you have an Amex...
  3. Southwest: we're going to board in a few groups here. First, second, third, fourth. Did I mention we ❤️ you all very much?
    American: Look buster, we have priorities here. We're going to board first class, then our very special customers, then the ones we kind of like, then the OK ones, and then maybe pedophiles and serial killers, possibly some anthropomorphized human feces, and then, God willing, we'll think about letting you on our aircraft.
  4. Southwest: Oh your schedule changed and you'd like to get home to your family earlier? You're free to fly standby on an earlier flight. The 9:30 flight has 11 open seats so you'll likely get one, but of course it might fill up. No promises but you're welcome to try. Safe travels!
    American: Show me the money. $25 reticketing fee, $200 change fee, plus any price difference between what I paid a month ago and the earlier flight last minute price.
  5. Southwest: We ❤️ our jobs and we ❤️ you and here let's sing a song!
    American: Shut up, sit down, stuff your bag under your feet and don't let your creepy shoulders spill into the sacred aisle. Can you imagine how hard it is to be the front line employees in a company that hates its customers? It sucks. My life sucks. Buckle in and die.