SUPER HEROES IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE

  1. Spider Man was bitten by a radioactive mosquito instead
    Rather than fight crime he just annoys people constantly. Signature move: Sneaks up behind you and hisses in your ear. Gear: Malaria-misters on his wrists.
  2. Incredible Hulk was hit with alpha radiation instead
    Still just Bruce Banner but kind of has a temper anyway.
  3. Baby Superman crashed in Moscow in 1972 instead
    He's a fully indoctrinated communist. Olympics are now pretty much a joke. Cold War ended differently.
  4. Batman's parents were killed by the police in a botched traffic stop instead
    Devoted his considerable mental and physical resources to prisoner rights. Nobody's heard of him.
  5. Black Widow was payed by Jennifer Lawrence instead
    Still gorgeous. Still cool. Still strong. Still complicated. Still under-utilized in the marvel film universe.
  6. Iron Man received proper medical care for his heart shrapnel instead
    Obamacare FTW. Also, world is way safer without that guy blowing things up all the time.
  7. Thor was the God of the Old Testament instead
    Every time there's a bad guy to battle he picks a few really righteous people, builds them a boat, and then floods the whole planet. Does not end well for all of us who are just pretty ok but not great.
  8. Captain America was banned from crime fighting for using performance enhancing drugs
    Earns a living on the pro wrestling circuit. Calls himself Colonel Confederacy. His popularity is seriously waning. The network is debating wether to cancel his contract or make him a caricature bad guy.
  9. Ant Man is super strong like an ant, but proportional to his size instead
    Stepped on.