This is an apology gift to all my new followers, who I mistakenly called spammers. Forgive me. I'm not usually so cynical. Wait...
  1. The problem with The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is it's bullshit and everyone knows it.
  2. If some jerk really did steal everybody's presents and decorations and roast beast and everything else you can be sure there wouldn't be a town-wide kumbayah session come Christmas morning.
  3. First there'd be a whole lot of disappointed kids, and kids don't always handle disappointment so well.
  4. Kids would be yelling just to hear themselves yell. Fathers would be yelling at kids and mothers would be yelling at fathers.
  5. Talk about noise noise noise noise.
  6. And before the sun was up, the 24 hour news networks would have come up with quasi-clever names like christmasgate and giftaggedon and it would be impossible to do anything at all that day except constantly review video footage and Facebook postings of inarticulate outrage.
  7. By breakfast time (sans Christmas pudding) the chief of police would be staring shockfaced into the camera maloproping his way through a statement with a negative signal to noise ratio while talking heads on the TV news swarm the town and shamelessly cluck their disapproval of the obviously unapprovable.
  8. The president would make a statement.
  9. And Fox News would flip its lid because he never once mentioned the baby Jesus, who is really, I mean come on, really the victim in all of this.
  10. Round and round the news cycle would spin...
  11. "Now let's hear the story of one little girl who actually saw the perpetrator last night when she got up for a cup of cold water."
  12. And there'd be tiny Cindy Lou Who looking terrified still in her jammies while her father licks his lips in the background.
  13. Until finally a week later we'd do something ugly enough somewhere else to take our collective attention away.
  14. Ten years later there'd be a retrospective and we'd all get to find out just where are they now, those whoville children from that fateful day?
  15. Cindy Lou Who would be a recovering meth addict aspiring for a singing career on YouTube. She'd flash her fake teeth and shed a single 4K tear and tell us she did terrible things.
  16. We'd all wonder if it was the Grinch that did this to her, or if maybe just maybe the blame rested on us by way of the 24/7 media attention to which she was subjected.
  17. And what about the Grinch?
  18. The sick SOB who caused this mess?
  19. The Grinch would be the only person on earth with his head screwed on right.