THINGS ON PHOENIX PUBLIC TRANSIT

I used to ride the light rail to my office every day and sometimes came home late at night. For the most part fellow riders were normal, friendly folks. But there were a few weirdos.
  1. Fume Guy
    This was the strangest and saddest addiction I've ever seen. An angry man huffing horrible noxious fumes from a big bottle of some kind of industrial aerosol. The smell of the chemical brought tears to my eyes and he was sucking on it like it was mother's milk. His voice as he yelled at everyone who looked at him was a terrifying combination of that Bane guy from Batman and all my nightmares.
  2. Ruby
    Ruby stepped on the train and looked around very confusedly. I asked if I could help. "I need to get to my hotel." What hotel? "I don't remember." What street? "I don't remember." So we put our heads together and figured out what stop she got on that morning. Then she sat down next to me, rested her brandy-fumed 65 year old head on my shoulder, smiled up at me and said, "You're kind of cute. Want to come back to the hotel with me?" I said that's very sweet but not tonight. (Kind of?!)
  3. Sidewalk Crapper
    Guy in a power chair rolled off the train, slipped off his chair, dropped his pants, and pooped on the platform. Ok.
  4. Socially Lubricated Singing Lady
    Very drunk, very happy, couldn't hold a tune in a bucket. But bless her, she sang her heart out the whole way home.
  5. EVA Foamers
    So many big costumes on the train during comicon colliding with each other and everything. I actually love this weirdness.
  6. Gorgeous Meth Head
    A young couple got on. She had bright pink hair (which is the kind of thing I always love) and one of those beautiful faces that's hard to not look at. And then she smiled and revealed her far-gone meth teeth and the juxtaposition was staggering. I though about that poor girl for months.