WAYS I TELL MY DAUGHTER TO STOP TALKING SO MUCH
Girl can talk.
- •There are too many words coming out of the hole in your face.Her favorite. She asked me to tell her teachers to use this one but I did not.
- •Sophia why don't we play a game. I talk to mom and you don't.
- •[when telemarketers call] Sophia, it's for you!
- •I think the cat wants you to talk to her now.
- •You need to take a breather and so do my ears.
- •Siri is currently available for conversations.
- •I think we've circled back to the beginning of this story now so that means you're done.
- •[she wants to be an actor] Why don't you practice acting by pretending to be mute? Those are the sorts of parts that win oscars.
- •Someday you're going to grow up and move away and then it will be so quiet here I'll cry. Just kidding it'll be awesome.
- •Pretend I'm saying whatever your teachers say to get you to stop talking.
- •I'm going to bed now. Feel free to keep talking to the cupboards.
- •Sophia, grandma's old. She doesn't have enough time left to listen to this whole story.