WAYS I TELL MY DAUGHTER TO STOP TALKING SO MUCH

Girl can talk.
  1. There are too many words coming out of the hole in your face.
    Her favorite. She asked me to tell her teachers to use this one but I did not.
  2. Sophia why don't we play a game. I talk to mom and you don't.
  3. [when telemarketers call] Sophia, it's for you!
  4. I think the cat wants you to talk to her now.
  5. You need to take a breather and so do my ears.
  6. Siri is currently available for conversations.
  7. I think we've circled back to the beginning of this story now so that means you're done.
  8. [she wants to be an actor] Why don't you practice acting by pretending to be mute? Those are the sorts of parts that win oscars.
  9. Someday you're going to grow up and move away and then it will be so quiet here I'll cry. Just kidding it'll be awesome.
  10. Pretend I'm saying whatever your teachers say to get you to stop talking.
  11. I'm going to bed now. Feel free to keep talking to the cupboards.
  12. Sophia, grandma's old. She doesn't have enough time left to listen to this whole story.