Things you shouldn't say on stage during a concert but that we've said
It's hard being a chamber musician b/c it's so all about communicating & sometimes even though you're supposed to be on stage PLAYING you just have something to say that requires words & can't wait til the post-concert dinner-&-beer post mortem. This shit really happened, usually through our teeth & feat. a huge scam of a smile as a façade/decoy:::
- •"Wow I sound so bad"This one happened today
- •"I'm lost"Pretty sure this has happened to not just us and is not that infrequent
- •"I hate this fucking piece"Looking at you, Mendelssohn trios.
- •"Can you vibrate less"The perennial Ari&Gwen debate, now hearkening back to where we began ca. 2008 at Kneisel Hall but w/the added bonus of lots of concerts and the balls/idiocy to talk about it on stage as quietly as possible (not that quietly b/c we're not subtle) in between movements
- •"Where are we"See item no. 2
- •[inappropriate laughter]This is like not remotely rare. Reasons like "wtf was that bowing I just did," "ohmygod what key should I be in rn," intonation so bad it transcends infuriating, too much vib, hating a piece (hi again Mendelssohn Cm), noticing Gwen forgot to change from flip-flops into concert shoes, realizing the tempo is too slow & not being able to fix it until an unspecified later date/time, watching a series of bad musical choices unfold as if in evil slow-mo, a poor choice of when to have a staring contest
- •Whisperingly pointing out individual audience members for various reasons like doppelgänger situations or inappropriate pic-taking, "frinstance"Prob shouldn't admit to this
- •Muttering laments about how hard it is to start the next mvtCulprits: scherzi of Smetana, Brahms B major, and Dvorak F minor trios, to name scarcely, um, like .000000000001% of them. Some fucking joke EH?
- •"I'm dying"Figurative (frequent)