Things you shouldn't say on stage during a concert but that we've said

It's hard being a chamber musician b/c it's so all about communicating & sometimes even though you're supposed to be on stage PLAYING you just have something to say that requires words & can't wait til the post-concert dinner-&-beer post mortem. This shit really happened, usually through our teeth & feat. a huge scam of a smile as a façade/decoy:::
  1. "Wow I sound so bad"
    This one happened today
  2. "I'm lost"
    Pretty sure this has happened to not just us and is not that infrequent
  3. "I hate this fucking piece"
    Looking at you, Mendelssohn trios.
  4. "Can you vibrate less"
    The perennial Ari&Gwen debate, now hearkening back to where we began ca. 2008 at Kneisel Hall but w/the added bonus of lots of concerts and the balls/idiocy to talk about it on stage as quietly as possible (not that quietly b/c we're not subtle) in between movements
  5. "Where are we"
    See item no. 2
  6. [inappropriate laughter]
    This is like not remotely rare. Reasons like "wtf was that bowing I just did," "ohmygod what key should I be in rn," intonation so bad it transcends infuriating, too much vib, hating a piece (hi again Mendelssohn Cm), noticing Gwen forgot to change from flip-flops into concert shoes, realizing the tempo is too slow & not being able to fix it until an unspecified later date/time, watching a series of bad musical choices unfold as if in evil slow-mo, a poor choice of when to have a staring contest
  7. Whisperingly pointing out individual audience members for various reasons like doppelgänger situations or inappropriate pic-taking, "frinstance"
    Prob shouldn't admit to this
  8. Muttering laments about how hard it is to start the next mvt
    Culprits: scherzi of Smetana, Brahms B major, and Dvorak F minor trios, to name scarcely, um, like .000000000001% of them. Some fucking joke EH?
  9. "I'm dying"
    Figurative (frequent)