Chapter Titles of My Hypothetical Autobiography
If I sat down and wrote a book about my life, or somehow convinced someone else to do so, these would probably be some of the f*cked up chapter titles that speak for themselves.
- •How Eyeliner Saved My Life
- •Reasons Not To Date a Drug DealerFollowed by a corresponding chapter: Benefits of Dating a Drug Dealer
- •How Many Drunk Girls Can You Fit in a Hyuandi Sonata? .... EightI wouldn't recommend it, if I could remember it.
- •Collecting Trash: The Early 2000'sPlease don't ask.
- •Call Me Norma JeanSome like it hot.
- •"DON'T RUN WITH THE BACON!"We had strange rules growing up.
- •True Life: My Obsession with The Jonas BrothersI don't even regret this one.
- •How To Eat Frog Legs and Other Southern DelicaciesTastes like chicken, y'all.
- •A Middle School Without Ceiling TilesI'm painting a really nice picture of my hometown.
- •"No, That's Not My Hair in Your Food"And other waitress chronicles.
- •Going Black, and Coming BackMission impossible: accomplished.
- •Where Did My Boobs Go?You read that right.
- •The Joys of Motherhood, Doggy StyleI love my fur babies.
- •Impending Doom: The College YearsSelf explanatory.