WEIRDEST CRAP I'VE TOLD MY SON

Things I never thought I'd say in general, but end up saying to my 2 (almost 3 year old son.) Out of context it's going to be strange, but that's what makes it awesome.
  1. Iron Man doesn't whine.
  2. Please stop licking the table.
  3. For the love of God if you don't lay down, I will take away your birthday.
  4. I bet you Spider-Man is asleep now.
  5. I bet you Skillet (a rock band he loves) listens to their mother.