FATES WORSE THAN DRY CONTACTS

  1. eating an expensive dinner and then getting too drunk and throwing up
  2. that 4 month period when party rock anthem was every other song played on the radio
    also the band F.U.N. is dumb
  3. when you are taking smoked salmon out of its packaging and then your hands smell like smoked salmon
  4. being in the elevator with someone that breathes weirdly
  5. ugly babies
  6. having to order bacon bits on the side bc everyone is a vegetarian
  7. when it's humid and the posters on your walls sag
  8. waking up covered in canola oil
    could you imagine??