Things My Wife Can't Do

  1. Enter a room that may contain a dead mouse
  2. Be near bugs
  3. Completely cover herself with a blanket
  4. Be warm
  5. Not watch Parks and Rec if it's on tv
  6. Eat fish
  7. Not be covered in freckles
  8. Hate America
  9. Fart publicly
  10. Not look at a dog
  11. Rhyme something with "purple"
  12. Stay up late as hell
  13. Take bullshit
  14. Have 2 same-colored eyes