REASONS YOU SHOULD BE JEALOUS OF ME

  1. 1.
    I only own crop tops
    And I've never looked back
  2. 2.
    I had to read this today:
  3. 3.
    Upon asking an undergraduate professor of mine if he remembered me after 3 years of no communication he said, "I remember you quite well—how could I not when it appeared as if you were squatting my classes"
    #endearing
  4. 4.
    I have eaten some noodle dish of the Asian variety every day for the past month
    I can afford one meal a day
  5. 5.
    Robert Pattinson once told me to leave him alone after I called him "spidey"
  6. 6.
    I have a vertical blue line on my nose from when my dad "accidentally" threw a tennis ball at my face
  7. 7.
    Arthur Four, a soon to be lawyer, once called me an "Honorary Jew"
  8. 8.
    My eyes are two different colours, so I'm basically David Bowie
    They're not but thinking they are is v empowering
  9. 9.
    I was on List App before it was even a thing
  10. 10.
    My best friend is @Z (the celebrity)
  11. 11.
    I live in London. Everything makes you drunk and everything is expensive