So I began THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN I FEEL ROUGH with the following thought:
  1. "If someone I considered a friend doesn't open up to me, that is reflective of their problems, not mine."
  2. I realize there are a couple problems with this statement.
  3. OF COURSE someone not opening up to me can mean I have issues.
  4. It could mean that person doesn't trust me to keep my mouth shut.
  5. Or thinks I would judge them based on their intelligence, their choices, or their beliefs.
  6. Or thinks I have nothing meaningful to say because I lack the empathy to help them.
  7. Those are all problems with ME, not the other person.
  8. And I have been in situations where the problem is with me.
    (For example, my first fight with my roommate.)
  9. And I have worked to identify and rectify those problems with myself.
  10. However, I think there can be instances where the lack of openness is on the other person.
  11. If I've proven to someone as best I can that I care about them, but they still refuse to be level, that's not my fault.
  12. If I've told someone the truth as I see it--unfiltered, maybe brutally honest truth--that means I want to hear the same from them.
  13. And I have not done anything wrong if someone won't respond in kind.
    (But do you seriously think you can offend me after all the crap I just said to you? Tell me what you're thinking. I'm a big girl; I value your opinion; I can handle it.)
  14. If I've done my best to find out where I stand with someone and to repair that relationship, but that person still won't speak openly, I cannot control that.
  15. Those all mean that someone has an issue with trust, truth, or me that they need to work through internally. I've done my best and I need to leave it at that.
  16. I need to be at peace with that.
  17. (This was really heavy for 9:30 AM, sorry everyone)