AN ELABORATION ON MY LAST LIST
So I began THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN I FEEL ROUGH with the following thought:
- •"If someone I considered a friend doesn't open up to me, that is reflective of their problems, not mine."
- •I realize there are a couple problems with this statement.
- •OF COURSE someone not opening up to me can mean I have issues.
- •It could mean that person doesn't trust me to keep my mouth shut.
- •Or thinks I would judge them based on their intelligence, their choices, or their beliefs.
- •Or thinks I have nothing meaningful to say because I lack the empathy to help them.
- •Those are all problems with ME, not the other person.
- •And I have been in situations where the problem is with me.(For example, my first fight with my roommate.)
- •And I have worked to identify and rectify those problems with myself.
- •However, I think there can be instances where the lack of openness is on the other person.
- •If I've proven to someone as best I can that I care about them, but they still refuse to be level, that's not my fault.
- •If I've told someone the truth as I see it--unfiltered, maybe brutally honest truth--that means I want to hear the same from them.
- •And I have not done anything wrong if someone won't respond in kind.(But do you seriously think you can offend me after all the crap I just said to you? Tell me what you're thinking. I'm a big girl; I value your opinion; I can handle it.)
- •If I've done my best to find out where I stand with someone and to repair that relationship, but that person still won't speak openly, I cannot control that.
- •Those all mean that someone has an issue with trust, truth, or me that they need to work through internally. I've done my best and I need to leave it at that.
- •I need to be at peace with that.
- •(This was really heavy for 9:30 AM, sorry everyone)