EXTRAVAGANT LIES TO TELL TODAY, COLLEGE EDITION

This list is in honor of April Fool's and my favorite "storyteller," @miathurber
  1. Classes are cancelled. The president just declared a school holiday.
  2. Wait...you didn't know I'm a transfer student?
  3. In addition to studying _____________, I've also been developing a universal language that combines Romantic and East Asian grammar structures. The UN plans on implementing it in early 2018.
  4. Have you heard about the bison burgers in the dining hall?
  5. Yeah, I had such a late night last night. My roommate and I flew out to LA in order to visit my close friend Kylie.
    (MAJOR JOKES. I don't think I could be friends with Kylie.)
  6. I have actually never eaten ramen in college.
    (Also jokes, this is true)
  7. I'm going to build a blanket fort in the Student Union tonight. Be there.
  8. Privilege doesn't exist!
  9. My work study actually pays better than any job I can get with my degree. Maybe I'll delay graduating a few years so that I can save up.
  10. Of *course* I've studied and eaten three balanced meals today!!!!!!!!!!
  11. I'm happy to announce I will be dropping out to join a Buddhist nudist colony.