ON "JEALOUS KIND"

A small essay.
  1. There's this song called "Jealous Kind" by Jars of Clay.
    It's track 11 on their 2003 album "Who we are Instead."
  2. The chorus goes like this:
  3. "I know I've been unfaithful / lovers in lines
  4. While you're turning over tables with your rage of a jealous kind
  5. I chose the gallows to the aisle / thought that love would never find
  6. Hanging ropes will never keep you / and your love of a jealous kind."
  7. This song is soulful and raw in the salty-drippy-snotty-tears kind of way.
  8. It turns my hands up to Jesus every time I hear it.
  9. It makes me think, "Father, I am frightened by you."
  10. "Father, I trust more in the delights of my choosing than the joys offered at your table."
  11. "Father, I gave away my heart to the rushing wind."
    This is a line from verse one.
  12. "Father, I'd rather feel a pain all too familiar than be broken by a lover I don't understand."
    This is a line from verse two.
  13. I am a stained bride—I have a proud heart and a distracted soul—I have not loved Him as He deserves.
  14. What kind of lover do I have that pursues me without thought for the consequences of my actions?
  15. The beauty of Christ is that he never leaves me to wallow in my own choices, even when I cheapen grace.
  16. He lifts me onto solid rock no matter how deep the sand.
  17. How overwhelming is a love like that?
  18. How underwhelming am I in response?
  19. Praise be to God that my soul does not depend on me. It depends on my jealous lover, the perfect Son.