Processing MELODRAMA

The release-date high has worn off, and now the thoughts come.
  1. I have to begin by saying I love Lorde a lot and feel a deeper sisterhood with her than maybe I have a right to feel.
  2. She's only a few months older than me.
  3. She's often described as mature, an old soul.
  4. When I really started to get into her, we were both white women in biracial relationships.
  5. Those few ties have made her stick deeply with me, even though her teenage angst and my teenage angst look very, very different.
  6. But gone are the days of Pure Heroine, where I have to spin our situations to know that we're facing the same emotions.
  7. I have been where Melodrama has been.
  8. Popping in and out of relationships the past three years, wandering my new home at midnight, feeling unloved, finding love all over again.
  9. I love that we have had the same experience with casual, sudden love.
  10. "The rush at the beginning"
  11. "I'm just a sucker who let you fill her mind"
  12. I love that I have had friends who have spoken her words to me—
  13. "These are what they call hard feelings"
  14. —and encouraged me to stand in them.
  15. The Feelings of Melodrama are so believable for me.
  16. These aren't petty breakup songs, the I-can't-live-without-him type or the he-is-a-demon type.
  17. She is so gracious in her heartbreak, which is something it's taken me time to learn—
  18. Maybe because I didn't have the songs to teach me?
  19. She's not without her anger, though.
  20. "She thinks you love the beach, you're such a damn liar"
  21. Or her jealousy.
  22. "You're walking out to be a good man for someone else"
  23. But she is honest, she is hopeful, she is melancholy, she is raw.
  24. "In our darkest hour, I stumbled on a secret power / I found a way to live without you, babe"
  25. "I love it here since I've stopped needing you"
  26. She is realistic, coming off of her endless summer afternoon, and I love that, I crave that. I crave these songs—Louvre, Homemade Dynamite—that sing about just-for-now love.
  27. I love that she loves herself but is still honest about herself.
  28. It takes so much internal courage to be that way.
  29. That's something I wonder about Lorde, though—her internal landscape is so vast and so acute, but where does she position herself in the world?
  30. I've read she doesn't view herself as a role model.
  31. None of her songs are empowerment anthems. She certainly empowers herself sexually and creatively, and is feminist in that way, but she does not call for anything or rally to anything.
  32. I can here it coming: "Art for art's sake" and such.
  33. She's not looking to make jams. She's looking to paint a canvas, create a world.
  34. I suppose that's noble. Maybe.
    Whole other discussion
  35. And we need prophets like her—people who can say how our generation is and what it thinks and what it does. People who can say it creatively and say it with both distance and closeness.
  36. But I would love to see Lorde start to be as passionate as she is poetic, powerful in more ways than one. Intimacy is one gift, but does she have something she wants to project her voice towards?
  37. Nevertheless—
  38. I am grateful for this album. So grateful.