RANT ABOUT BODY HAIR

I'm tired and I've wanted to talk about this for a couple days and my filter is finally gone, so here you are, List App Universe—my deeply complicated feelings about BODY HAIR (send help)
  1. STARTING PREMISE: I am pretty sure I'm not going to shave the rest of the semester.
  2. No legs, no armpits, no nether regions, nothin.
  3. I kind of can't figure out why I've made this decision???
  4. I think it's because I've *personally* always tied my presentation of my body hair to men.
  5. Like, at first shaving was something I did because it was Grown Up and Womanly.
    Also because it's what Care and Keeping of You told me to do *shrugs*
  6. If I got lazy about shaving, it was kinda gross, but I just put on pants and carried on my merry way.
  7. I'm pretty sure my girlfriends and I had competitions to see whose legs could get the hairiest—
  8. And then we also went into raptures of how good our legs felt when we shaved.
  9. It was kind of a communal deal. We felt solidarity over "gross" hairy legs and also celebrated smooth baby dolphin legs.
    Because you gotta admit, baby dolphin legs are a pretty nice feeling
  10. But then I started dating.
  11. And I *really* *distinctly* remember a day where I was hanging out with my boyfriend while wearing shorts, and I looked down at my legs, and I was horrified by all the little black prickles against the ice-white shins.
    My leg hair used to be blonde but oh well
  12. And—GET THIS—
  13. I APOLOGIZED TO HIM.
  14. Now fortunately, he told me this was total bull and that he didn't give a crap whether my legs were shaved, that was my decision; but I definitely felt like I had let him down somehow.
    Yes ok the ex is not a total douche, I begrudgingly admit
  15. Like I hadn't done enough to make myself presentable, to "reward" him, to give him his due for going out with me.
    THIS IS 🐠💩
  16. Fast forward about nine months.
  17. I'm sitting by a creek with a different guy I like.
  18. He's got his jeans rolled up to his knees and his legs in the water. My jeans are covering my whole legs, and my toes are barely dangling in.
  19. He asks me why I don't follow his example, which admittedly looks inviting.
  20. And I say—GET THIS—
  21. My ankles are really hairy and gross and I really don't want to show them off right now.
  22. And again, fortunately, this guy says that's bull and that no one, including me, should care about my leg hair, that people in France have hairy legs and no one gives a crap.
    This guy is a total Francophile but he gets it honest
  23. But I sort of stubbornly remain where I am, because my confidence, my body, my decision.
    Valid BUT now my wheels are turning
  24. I came home for the summer a month later and didn't shave. I frankly did not care what people at home thought about my legs. My sister joined me and we commiserated in our laziness.
  25. But then I went on vacation, where I saw this guy again, and—GET THIS—
  26. I SHAVED.
    UGH HANNAHHHHHHHH
  27. I justified it by saying I didn't want to freak out my friends' parents.
  28. But @squad called me out for my crap and said, no, you totally shaved for this guy.
    Probably accurate
  29. But WHY DO I DO THIS????
  30. It bothers me that I can be comfortable enough in my own skin (read: body hair) around my (vaguely bemused) family but that I feel like I HAVE to present myself to a guy that I value.
  31. Like, screw that.
  32. That's stupid logic.
  33. Even the guys themselves, who I guess I'm trying to please, recognize that this is total 🐠💩.
  34. I do not have to present myself as this pure, hairless, other-ly being to be loved.
  35. I am a human being.
  36. Human beings have hair on their legs.
  37. I'm sick of trying to falsely advertise myself as this Other, as this physically and spiritually pure creature who is obviously a patient and wonderful Saint because she has no hair on her legs.
    That's not really what shaving is but it *feels* like that's what shaving is
  38. That is false advertising! That is a misrepresentation of myself (because I'm HUMAN and flawed)! That is not feminism!
  39. So I guess with this whole no-shave experiment I am trying to be really, truly, honestly happy in my body.
  40. I am trying to kick this dumb habit of presenting myself—which I'm sure is something I do psychologically as well as physically—
  41. So that I can actually know that there is nothing "gross" about my body the way the Lord gave it to me.
    If God put it there, let it grow!
  42. Now, if shaving empowers you, keep goin, girlfriend!!!!!!!!
    Baby dolphin legs are great.
  43. But I think I'd reached the point where it was not for me, it was for other people.
  44. And that—GET THIS—
  45. Is 🐠💩.