THANK YOU FOR NOTHING, YOU USELESS REPTILE, VOL. 3

  1. When you turn on the tap for warm water and it's freezing
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  2. When Cosmo's Snapchat story runs 10,000 "What Guys Hate About This That Or The Other Sex Position" pieces to remind us that all sex must be performed to a male heteronormative standard that is impossible for a human being to gratify
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  3. When Cosmo's Snapchat story runs a compensation piece called "10 Surprising Things Guys Love About Every Sex Position"
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  4. When you mean to clean out your closet but instead bring a bunch of second hand sweaters back from winter break
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  5. When you forget to order textbooks
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  6. When your manager hasn't removed you from the schedule yet, even though you have repeatedly told her the date you're heading back to school
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  7. When your brother accidentally kills your fish
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  8. When chocolate is addicting
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  9. When you know Frank Underwood is out to get President Walker, but they're still your BroTP
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  10. When there's black ice
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  11. When you follow the boy you suspect is interested instead of waiting for him to follow you
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile
  12. When you're tired of seeing all the lists you've already posted mixed in with your drafts
    Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile