REASONS I AM NOT FOLLOWING YOU AT WORK

I am a security associate at a museum
  1. Because I'm creepy
  2. Because I think you're cute (okay maybe)
  3. Because I want to stalk you and take your dog and be you
  4. Because you smell good (again a maybe)
  5. Reasons I AM IN FACT FOLLOWING YOU?
  6. I work here
  7. It's my job
  8. Don't kid yourself