BEEF WITH THE NEW X-MEN MOVIE

I'm looking at you, Mystique.
  1. Girls, why you standing there doing nothing?
  2. The world is falling apart around you, and you choose this convenient time to go unconscious or daydream about how your life could be better.
  3. You see how Beast and Cyclops just jump into the action? Literally?
  4. Do that! Just get in there!
  5. There are four of you kick ass ladies, and this is clearly the final battle of the movie...
  6. So no time to lose!
  7. But you all pick this moment to be so fucking lazy!!!
  8. Mystique, why are you lying on the ground? Why did you go unconscious? Did that further a plot point or offer character development?
    Oh, it might have aided in a male character's development a little? NO EXCUSES!
  9. Moira, where even are you? Are you hiding? I know you're not a mutant, but you had the special power of being brave as shit when you discovered that underground temple, and quite frankly I expected better from you.
    Oh, but you're the love interest? You need to be rescued? Well boo-hoo, damsel, stop your whining.
  10. JEAN FUCKING GREY. Does the Professor really need to BEG you with his MIND to get you in the game? Why are you just sitting there with your mouth open?! Haven't you done some of your psychic tricks before (in this very film!)? Could you maybe try some of those? Make this situation a little better? Huh? CAN YOU DO THAT YOU DELICATE FLOWER??!
    Oh, but you can't make up your mind or realize your full potential until you're told what to do by a male character? Makes sense - except NO IT DOESN'T!
  11. Then you go and start glowing and shit - we don't know what the fuck you're doing but I guess it's working.
  12. It's a cool trick, but for some reason you let Magneto impale him a few times. It's beyond me, but you let Storm get in there to take some of the credit. Beast saves your boyfriend. Quicksilver is busy being the best character in this whole film. They all look like they're doing something, and you are floating and glowing. Real team effort.
  13. Oh NOW you wake up, Mystique, how convenient. No don't talk to me. You had your shot and you BLUE it. Plus you've reached your line quota.
  14. And STORM - I'm not done with you. Where did you come from? Oh, have you suddenly stopped your whole crisis bit? "Who do I believe, who do I trust? Wait, the bad guy doesn't CARE about me?!" Shut your gaping mouth. I see your lightening bolts and you trying to get a participation grade, but no.
    Oh, but this whole battle going on is so confusing and overwhelming and you just can't even?! This isn't Starbucks, this is the end of the world, and you are not a ball of emotions YOU ARE A DAMN SUPERHERO.
  15. You ladies need to step up your game if you wanna be on this team.
  16. It's like there's this unknown force in control that's keeping you from reaching you fullest potential and doing things and saying things as often as your male counterparts.
  17. What happens to women in Marvel movies? The same thing that happens to women in all other movies.
  18. As the Professor said, "UNLEASH YOUR POWER AND FUCK MARVEL."