THINGS I WAS AFRAID WOULD GET ME SEARCHED AND SEIZED AT THE AIRPORT AND THE EXCUSES I HAD PREPARED

  1. My homemade powder deodorant, which basically looks like a pound of drugs
    "It's not drugs or explosives, it's deodorant. It smells like essential oils."
  2. A keychain box cutter
    "Ok I know that looks bad, but it's shorter than 3 inches and I need it for work. Ha! That's what she said."
  3. A pair of zip tie snips
    "Isn't it crazy that a year ago we practically couldn't even bring a pair of toe nail clippers on through here, but isn't America great? These are allowed, I'm sure these are allowed."
  4. A pair of gloves
    "These are definitely allowed, but I understand that with all the other stuff they just make me look bad."