SHIT THAT TURNS ME OFF ENTIRELY

By entirely I mean entirely, like my vagina drops and sizzles. ugh
  1. WHEN MY FREEZER IS OLD AND TURNS MY ICECREAM INTO LIQUID MARSHMALLOW
    This even affects my appetite
  2. WHEN I GET CHECKED OUT FROM HEAD TO TOE
    The kind where you see the eyes slowly tilt up and down with a nod or a disgusting "mmmm"
  3. "Aww, you're so cute."
    What is cute about a 23 year old woman??
  4. When I manage to cook meat in the microwave when I was only trying to defrost it
    The reality that I don't even know how to microwave for shit..