THINGS THAT LOWER MY SELF-ESTEEM

But like only for half a second
  1. When your guy friends say "oh you would be perfect with my buddy (blank)"
    And the "buddy" turns out to be dweebiest dweeb of his friends. And the guy adds, "oh bummer he has a girlfriend."
  2. When I see my nail polishes smudged up 5 seconds after I've done them
  3. When you match with a hottie on Tinder, but the dude is after your naked pic
  4. When you dance hot with a dude, and you kind of like him, but he whispers something about me Asianness
    Supposedly to turn me on
  5. When I go out dancing and I can't see anything because my contacts fell out
    Because they are dailies and I wear them to bed several nights in a row because I am lazy
  6. When my flipflops slip off mid-strut due to sweat
  7. When I cannot find a pen anywhere in my purse
  8. When babies stare at me blankly
  9. When I wear hoop earrings to work and can't pull it off
    I look like a professional butcher instead of bohemian chic
  10. When other people fall in love at my party
  11. When I lose a twitter follower
    Even if I haven't written a post in 5 months
  12. That time I was babysitting and their house dog ate the baby's poop on my watch