THINGS ALEC HAS SAID TO ME RECENTLY

  1. "Let's make a list of alternative pets. I'll start: a hog."
  2. "You used to think I was cute, now I'm just a trash bucket to you."
  3. "What I like about the book you bought me is that it helps me go to sleep."
  4. "Don't mock me. I mock myself."
  5. "I pop Pepcid AC's like a bad girl."
  6. "She's tweezed herself rotten."
  7. "I want to watch a prison show or I don't want to watch anything."
  8. "I did my part of the clean up - I put all of the sauces away."