HOW TO GET THROUGH YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY
This is a public service announcement.
- •Wear a jacket, but other than that, normal clothesYou don't care enough to dress formally, so it's lucky you're a dude! Dudes just have to wear the most average blazer to pass as 'dressed up'. Same one as last year is fine.
- •Isolate the designated driversMoney behind the bar is usually calculated on 2 drinks per head or whatever. Suss out who's on the squash and mentally bank their drinks. They are yours now.
- •Isolate the high rollersThe open bar *will* run out and you need to be prepared. Look for execs, for heads of department, for people who've just got a raise. They will be the first to order shots and you want in on that round.
- •DanceYou are partying with people you've struggled to make small talk with for the last 12 months. Excessive and aggressive dancing will substitute for this nicely and buy you 2-3 days of awkward post-Christmas kitchen chat. "you were really dancing!", they'll say, and yes, yes you were.
- •Fill up on canapésCanapés are a terrible idea for a Christmas party because you never eat enough. Find out early doors where the eat-points are and always say you're grabbing one for you, and one for your mate.
- •Don't make out with anyone in accounts / HRLikely to be long term members of staff, higher chance of a weird vibe come January.
- •Do make out with anyone just back from sabbatical / working their noticeThey don't care about this job and neither do you. Go nuts.