HOW TO GET THROUGH YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY

This is a public service announcement.
  1. Wear a jacket, but other than that, normal clothes
    You don't care enough to dress formally, so it's lucky you're a dude! Dudes just have to wear the most average blazer to pass as 'dressed up'. Same one as last year is fine.
  2. Isolate the designated drivers
    Money behind the bar is usually calculated on 2 drinks per head or whatever. Suss out who's on the squash and mentally bank their drinks. They are yours now.
  3. Isolate the high rollers
    The open bar *will* run out and you need to be prepared. Look for execs, for heads of department, for people who've just got a raise. They will be the first to order shots and you want in on that round.
  4. Dance
    You are partying with people you've struggled to make small talk with for the last 12 months. Excessive and aggressive dancing will substitute for this nicely and buy you 2-3 days of awkward post-Christmas kitchen chat. "you were really dancing!", they'll say, and yes, yes you were.
  5. Fill up on canapés
    Canapés are a terrible idea for a Christmas party because you never eat enough. Find out early doors where the eat-points are and always say you're grabbing one for you, and one for your mate.
  6. Don't make out with anyone in accounts / HR
    Likely to be long term members of staff, higher chance of a weird vibe come January.
  7. Do make out with anyone just back from sabbatical / working their notice
    They don't care about this job and neither do you. Go nuts.