please add your faves!
  1. Best friend isn't a person Danny, it's a tier
  2. Recycling makes America look poor
  3. I am a hot, smart woman with an ass that doesn't quit
  4. I am not overweight, I fluctuate between chubby and curvy
  5. I figure if I'm going to be a mess I might as well be a hot mess
  6. I don't weigh anything, I'm like a cloud
  7. Look at these wrists! Look at how dainty they are! They can barely hold up the enormous calzones that I eat
  8. It's so weird being my own role model
  9. *laying on the floor* McDonalds
  10. My body is attracted to your body, but when you speak my brain gets angry
  11. I just need to ride out this minor humiliation until I find my Kanye
  12. I'm really searching for the passion to continue my interest in this conversation.
  13. Exsqueeze me!?
  14. How dare you!
  15. I can not be the victim of a single white female situation right now
  16. Ok, this sounds important I'll put away my sangria.
  17. My TV is broken & I cannot be alone with my thoughts.
  18. I wasn't lying, like with my allergy to vegetables.
  19. I would love to introduce you to my husband, straight Anderson Cooper.
  20. Eh I don't want to pray forget it I'll just die alone
  21. I'm just trying to find a life partner to go apple picking with
  22. I thought I had hit rock bottom but we managed to find a new sub-basement
  23. I don't say this lightly, you should write magazine articles
  24. I don't care & I'll probably forget
  25. Old guys think I have sass mouth
  26. I forgot how much I love slicing open women. Thank God I became a doctor.
    Suggested by @kaitmaree
  27. You think I'm lying tits deep in a margarita?
  28. I've never gotten on my knees and not gotten jewelry out of it
  29. You're going down, and that's coming from the queen of going down!
  30. I have the mind of a comedian trapped in the body of a model trapped in the job of a gynecologist!
    Suggested by @kaitmaree
  31. Booze? Sex? Danny, you used all my favorite things against me!
    Suggested by @daniela
  32. The only downside of being a woman who can make her own decisions is that you have to make good decisions
    Suggested by @AileenRR
  33. Who I have been is not who I'm going to be
    Suggested by @AileenRR
  34. I need eggs. I need waffles. I need four kinds of pigs meat. I don't need need no bowl of oatmeals.
    Suggested by @AileenRR
  35. It's my favourite kind of cake, gigantic!
  36. It's everything I've ever creamed of.
    Suggested by @vespip
  37. I'm a gynaecologist Evan! Why don't you web design him back to life!
  38. Why do you have so many secrets Danny? You're an OBGYN you're not batman!
  39. Let's go talk to the DJ and see if he'll give us the wifi password to this place
    Suggested by @siobhanhannah
  40. Every time you talk, it takes so long that I literally die and turn into a skeleton.
    Suggested by @fillefou