Things People Say That They Don't Really Mean

  1. I'm on my way
    Actually means you're still lying on your bed contemplating whether you can get away with showing up to brunch in gym clothes.
  2. Let's catch up soon
    Something you say to someone you haven't seen in ages but awkwardly run into at the supermarket and avoid having a small-talk session by pretending you'll hear all about their life in the past three years "soon".
  3. I don't care what anyone thinks about me
    Said with a 'pfft' while surreptitiously checking Facebook to see how many likes their latest profile picture got.
  4. Oh, that really sucks. If it makes you feel better... *insert personal sad anecdote here*
    This usually means you don't really care about their sob story and you take the chance to talk about your own in the hopes that they'll be so overwhelmed by the sadness of your story that you'll be pitied more.
  5. Sorry I'm late, stuck in traffic
    Code for leaving the house 20 minutes after texting "on my way". [See first bullet point]
  6. I have a really fast metabolism.
    Really means: don't judge how big my plate of pasta is.
  7. I never say anything I don't mean
    If this were true then you wouldn't keep receiving those turtle figurines for your birthday.
  8. I don't mean to brag, but...
    Really means: