Swipe left or right? Here are a handful of things I've thought while on the cultural phenomenon that is Tinder.
  1. Do you realize how blurry your picture is?
    Yes, I'm judging your selfie skills.
  2. All those girls in your picture, and I still don't wanna swipe right!
    The "player" thing is pretty outdated, bro.
  3. Who told you dead animals were a turn on?
    Does your food supply actually depending on hunting? No? Then stop senselessly killing animals!
  4. Your poor quality, low-lighting selfies are upsetting me.
    Find your light! Seriously, selfies aren't that difficult to take!
  5. I guess all that camouflage hid the reasons I should swipe right!
    Can you tell I just really don't like hunting?
  6. Is that an actual 15 year old?
    Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left!!!
  7. I have never wanted to see abs less in my entire life.
    Ugh, and increasing the contrast in your hyper-edited photo isn't helping, either.
  8. Oh, hey, ex-boyfriend!
    Glad you're coping with our breakup well. ;)
  9. Ugh, you clearly have an android.
    Thaaaaat must explain all your terrible selfies!
  10. I wish you were your dog.
    Seriously, can we match so I can meet the pup?