Swipe left or right? Here are a handful of things I've thought while on the cultural phenomenon that is Tinder.
- •Do you realize how blurry your picture is?Yes, I'm judging your selfie skills.
- •All those girls in your picture, and I still don't wanna swipe right!The "player" thing is pretty outdated, bro.
- •Who told you dead animals were a turn on?Does your food supply actually depending on hunting? No? Then stop senselessly killing animals!
- •Your poor quality, low-lighting selfies are upsetting me.Find your light! Seriously, selfies aren't that difficult to take!
- •I guess all that camouflage hid the reasons I should swipe right!Can you tell I just really don't like hunting?
- •Is that an actual 15 year old?Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left!!!
- •I have never wanted to see abs less in my entire life.Ugh, and increasing the contrast in your hyper-edited photo isn't helping, either.
- •Oh, hey, ex-boyfriend!Glad you're coping with our breakup well. ;)
- •Ugh, you clearly have an android.Thaaaaat must explain all your terrible selfies!
- •I wish you were your dog.Seriously, can we match so I can meet the pup?