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  1. Heelys
  2. Planking
    Do it on a cop car and you're a legend
  3. Gangnam Style
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So you've followed @poop 's list and the first date was a success. The next few are easy, but now comes the real challenge: meeting her parents
  1. Make sure to blow them off at least twice
    Give them a call 10 minutes before you were supposed to meet at their house for dinner and say exactly this: "something came up. I can not make dinner tonight." Say nothing more and nothing less
  2. When you finally arrive for dinner, hand her mother your jacket without her asking
    This shows that you respect women as nothing more than a house slave
  3. Time for the first hand shake with her father: be sure to pull your hand away just before it gets to his and say "what are we, on Wall Street? Give me a hug you damn yuppie"
    This will show him two things: a.) you know what Wall Street is. b.) you are a real guy's guy
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Things that are great for a short amount of time
  1. The cold side of the pillow
    Lasts for a good 10 seconds after you flip it over
  2. Double Bubble
    That orgasmic flavor only lasts a minute or two
  3. Hot tubs
    At first it's really hot and feels good for a few minutes, but then you get really sweaty from the nipples up
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  1. Use pounds as a unit of time
    "Hell, that was 40 pounds ago!"
  2. Slowly but steadily drink 15 beers
  3. Call the football that the kids are throwing "the pigskin"
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Basic list of things I'm good at
  1. Being handsome
  2. Getting bits of chicken out of my teeth using my tongue 2 days after eating the chicken
    Flavor saver
  3. Vaping
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  1. Vineyard Vines
    If that motherfucking quarter zip doesn't have a whale on it, then you're a pussy lol
  2. Short shorts
    If they aren't salmon or some other pastel color, you're a pussy
  3. Wearing shitty strap back hats
    Yo what the fuck? Your hat isn't even floppy! Faggot
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  1. Going to an amusement park
  2. Amusing a park full of underage kids with the fact that your hip is double jointed
  3. School
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  1. The defrost button on the microwave
  2. The defrost button on the toaster
  3. The can opener
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