Things Dads Do at Family Barbecues

  1. Use pounds as a unit of time
    "Hell, that was 40 pounds ago!"
  2. Slowly but steadily drink 15 beers
  3. Call the football that the kids are throwing "the pigskin"
  4. Unbutton the top 3 buttons of their shirt
  5. Hop in the kids wiffle ball game
  6. Accidentally let go of the bat during their swing; the bat flies, breaking a glass bird feeder
    They promise to replace it but everybody knows it will never be spoken of again
  7. Accidentally burning 6 burgers, but bringing them to the kids table saying that eating them will "put some hair on their chest"
  8. Constantly talk about their high school football stats
  9. Get yelled at by their wife's friend for lighting a cigarette while holding the baby